Thursday, April 24, 2014

Resolving Conflicts When a Partner is Chronically Ill

It's hard enough to sustain a good relationship when neither partner is facing a health challenge. Illness ranks high on the list of life's stressful events, so it's no surprise that it can have a negative impact on a close relationship.
... You want your partner to accompany you to a doctor's appointment, partly for support and partly so that he or she can learn more about your medical condition and the challenges you face. If your partner refuses to go, your first reaction might be to assume that he or she doesn't care enough about you to be bothered.
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My then-husband HAD to go with me to the doctor because I couldn't walk that far without being propped up.  So he was in the room when the quack announced that "all blood tests are normal; you're perfectly healthy" and suggested that the real problem was that I didn't want to work. 
Having been raised that the doctor is always right, his attitude immediately changed.  Instead of confirming to the doctor that he had seen with his own eyes the fever/vomiting/diarrhea/collapsing that I was reporting, and demanding the doctor take me seriously, he concurred with the doctor that I had roped him into my imaginings, and that he never saw any objective symptoms because there weren't any to see, because the doctor said they weren't there.

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