Friday, January 3, 2014
Occupy CFS » There Is No Spoon
Occupy CFS » There Is No Spoon -- Jennie Spotila interviews Toni Bernhard
"we control a lot less than we think we do in life."
"When I pretend my illness isn't happening, either by pushing through my symptoms or by distracting myself, it actually doesn't reduce my suffering. I might feel better in the moment of denial, but it's impossible to maintain indefinitely. Sooner or later, the truth smacks everyone upside the head. I can't pretend that I'm not disabled. Toni is right: when reality pushes through the flimsy wall of denial, it hurts more. Not only because my denial has probably led to a crash or other negative consequence, but because I've been fooling myself. That causes more pain."
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It's so easy for normals to tell you to "push through" or "if you don't act disabled, you won't be" or any of that other feel-good crap they throw around because they don't know what they're talking about.
The last few days, I've been what Toni calls "sick on sick". Like the CFS/fibro/arthritis/etc. isn't bad enough, I've been down with the bad cold that's going around. I slept most of New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. Now I'm down to just swollen sinuses ... as if feeling your head is going to explode whenever you cough or gag on post-nasal drip is "just" anything....... But at least I woke up feeling human, and the six-block trip to the drugstore isn't looking like climbing Mount Everest. I'll pop a couple of pills for the pain and get over there. Probably stop off at the Chinese restaurant on the way home, not only to be able to sit down for a while, but in hopes that hot tea and Ginger Beef will blow open my sinuses.