Thursday, October 24, 2013

Christmas! | Carole...

"It's very hurtful when friends and family move on with their lives and leave me behind…like a once loved and treasured teddy bear who is now stored away in an affectionate cupboard of their lives but no longer cared enough about to want to come and see"
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The first year I was on my own, I called everyone I could think of and they all had excuses why I couldn't join them on Christmas.
Due to delivery glitches, the mailed gifts from my aunt and my good friend didn't arrive on time, so I sat there on Christmas looking at a pile of gifts under the tree, things I'd painstakingly handmade or carefully shopped for ... for people who didn't give a damn that I was alone on Christmas.  But not one single thing under the tree for me to open.  And several of the people I had gifts for, when I mentioned it to them after the holidays, they were "too busy" to come fetch them and wanted me to spend more money mailing the gifts to them.  It wasn't even worth coming to see me if they knew they were getting a gift in return.
The same thing the next year -- I again tried to wangle an invitation and no one wanted me, but at least this time I hadn't wasted the effort of getting presents for anyone.  And will never again waste time getting presents for anyone until I actually have an invitation in hand for Christmas.  If I'm not worth their time to spend Christmas with, then they're not worth my time in getting a present for them.

1 comment:

Rachel said...

I'm Jewish, so it is hard for me to have the same feelings about Christmas as you do but could empathise. I remember when I was terribly ill during my 20's, I wrote to a local forum asking if anyone could visit me. I got 20 offers. Once they heard my illness name, only one wanted to visit- that was a girl whose mother had fibromyalgia in a light form so had some idea. There was another girl with M.S out of the 20 but she insisted that I visit her because she was too ill to come. I I also lost all my old school friends. I don't mind them not visiting, it's that they can't be bothered to email me that bothers me.
I am working on cutting all my ties with the past and removing them from facebook and making new friends but it is extremely difficult. There are so few local people with severe CFS + FMS, or healthy ppl that understand.