Friday, October 14, 2011
Top 10 Things NOT to Say to Someone with ME/CFS
This was a really popular one for my ex, and to some extent he was correct. The stuff that was important to him was not necessarily something that was important to me. Every weekend excursion had to be weighed against the chance that it might cost me a day or two at work later in the week. Frankly, most of the stuff that he was interested in wasn't worth it; I wasn't going to enjoy myself enough to justify the risk of losing a few days pay.
I'd already discovered that his idea of negotiating was to promise me anything and deliver nothing. "I'll go with you to the festival if you cook dinner every night so I can rest up" would nonetheless result in my cooking dinner every night. He'd "forget". He'd find somewhere else to be when I got home from work. He'd be "too busy". My health simply was not important to him, therefore his choice of activities couldn't be important to me.
My highest priority was to keep working so we had a roof over our heads, and if that meant he felt neglected, too bad; me quitting wasn't an option because for half the marriage he didn't have a job. Someone had to work, and that someone was me.