Sunday, October 30, 2011

Fibro hurts, but we rock!

One of the more insidious difficulties of Fibromyalgia is dealing with friends and family members who refuse to believe there is anything wrong with you. They can't "see" Fibromyalgia and they certainly can't "feel" it. So why would a rational person look at a syndrome with credibility that even many doctors don't? Adding confusion to the matter, those who do bother to investigate find information, research and con-artists claiming wildly differing theories on the cause.
I actually sympathize with family and friends who are in this position. It's not their fault. And for those of us who believe that description alone constitutes a sufficient method of conveyance, we are wasting our time. People have no reference for pain unless they can physically feel it. So, with that said, here are some new and inventive ways to help your family and friends "feel" your pain.

The Sneak Attack:
Wait until your partner is sleeping in his favorite chair. Then get a letter opener, sneak up on them and stab them in the leg just above the knee (someone actually did this to her brother). When they jump up in pain, screaming in blinding agony…grab your bullhorn and announce: THAT'S HOW I FEEL. (Note: I can never stress enough the importance of bullhorn ownership for the Fibromyalgia patient)

The Spoon Pop
Take a wooden spoon and smack a family member in the back of the head once in a while to remind them of those blinding headaches you get. If you're lucky, and I mean really lucky, they just might stick. Try this on other members of your family as well. Especially that visiting mother-in-law (who's a 50 cent cab-ride-away from being buried alive in your back yard).

Sleepy Time
When your family complains about your naps, start drugging them right before school and work. Let them discover the joys of battling fatigue. Some might consider this a risky proposition, but most Fibromyalgia patients have the proper narcotics and a layman's degree in pharmacology.

The Pickering
When you're out shopping with that insensitive friend, grab a stick pin and randomly poke them in various parts of their body. Make sure that you treat them as if they are imagining the whole thing. You wouldn't want to give them the impression that you are actually buying into their weakness. Be sure to use that term too. "Weakness".

The Indoctrination Theory
If you want to really change the world, start with the children. During the summer tell your kids they are going to play a game. Tell them they are going to play "Mummy" or "Daddy". Don them in leg and wrist weights, which they must wear 24/7. Only allow them 4 hours of sleep per night, however, they still have to be in their beds for 10 hours. They must spend at least 1 hour per day on the toilet. Give them at least ten tic tacs per day (although they must swallow them, not chew) so they understand the concept of medication and how much you take. Pinch them at various times of the day. All the while, keep telling them that this is what Mommy or Daddy lives with. Be understanding and soothing, but torture them nonetheless. Believe me, after three days, they'll eat their own father.

Turning the Table
In dealing with the misunderstanding concerning "good days and bad days" with fibro patients, your family will often think you're faking. For this, you will have to "lay-in-wait". The next time someone in your family has a cold, make them get out of bed. Be sure to taunt them relentlessly. Accuse them of making it up. When they claim they have a fever, simply tell them "you didn't have one yesterday". Tell them it's just the fever making their body think it's sick and if they don't believe their sick, they won't be. Use their exact words against them. Hey…payback's a bitch.

No comments: