Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The Countess of Mar battles again for ME in Lords’ debate

 
"She said she understood but then suggested that a lot could be cured just by thinking differently. I don't think she really appreciated how severe the symptoms are, or that when I said I couldn't do something I really meant that I couldn't do it."
 
* * * 
I got the same thing from the doctors who thought it was just post-divorce depression.  I got a pep talk about needing to believe in myself, and "you'll be surprised how much you can do if you try", then got cut off when I tried to clarify that "I can't" doesn't mean "I'm afraid to", it means "I've repeatedly tried and repeatedly failed".
 
No, I will not feel better if I get a job to take my mind off my troubles ... at the time, I was trying to work at home lying on the couch and couldn't even handle that, so functioning for 8 hours straight after the exertion of commuting and while trying to sit upright absolutely wasn't going to happen.  I was not depressed *after* losing my job; I lost my job as a result of already having symptoms that don't square with a depression diagnosis.  But it was easier for the doctor to shoehorn me into the desired diagnosis by flipping cause and effect.

And since that didn't fit what he wanted to hear, he also cut me off every time I tried to explain how my symptoms affected my ability to work.  A divorced woman who wants lifetime alimony isn't going to try to work, so he had to prevent me from telling him that I was working.
 
If I had one wish guaranteed to be granted, it would be for doctors to LISTEN.  Open-minded, really listening and writing down what the patient actually says, not with the idea that "I want to hear the patient say this", and then writing down what the doctor wanted to hear.  I've even put things in writing so that there's no question about what the doctor was told, and had them converted into something else entirely when they made their way into his notes.
 
 

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